The road to Mommy Breakdowns are paved with LAST minute school projects.

So, it’s Wednesday and you just found out you have a Veteran’s Project due the following Tuesday. On Veteran’s Day. You, A) come home IMMEDIATELY and tell your Mom about said project. You spare no details. You give her a “project list” of supplies you will need. (Because you know she’s goes to Target at least 47 times a week.) Or B), you tell her about it when your friends Mom sends her a text (on Sunday night around 7) “hey has Hannah finished that Veteran’s Day Project yet…”.

My daughter chose B. She chose WRONG!

Me – Your Mom still hasn’t sent me those pics. I’m getting a little panicky.
Keith- Oh. I told her to email them to me.
Me- WHAT?!?! It’s 5! Why didn’t you tell me sooner?
Keith- You didn’t ask.

This right here could’ve easily ended in “…we the jury find the defendant…” But I took a breath.

Me- She didn’t tell me that. YOU didn’t tell me that.
Keith- I don’t know why you’re getting so mad Linda. I’m just trying to help you out.

You know what? Screw the jury I don’t look all that bad in orange.

I spend the next hour fighting with the Kodak Kiosk in CVS. I watch several of my friends come and go. I hate them. I am mere seconds away from becoming a Lifetime movie. It’s now close to seven.  Not cooking. Ordering pizza. Hannah looks at the pizza and says, “UGH…it’s the square kind.”  So I basically tell her hell will freeze over before she gets the square pizza OR ANY food for that matter! She looks back at me (with eyes that could’ve easily frozen hell) and says she’s not really hungry and has a project she needs to get started on.
I tell you what when the preteen eats the cute sweet little girl that used to live in your house…she leaves no trace evidence.

Keith eats his pizza with gusto. Says it’s the best he’s ever had and wants to know what he can do to make me feel better. He’s lying through his teeth.
Me- I want you to admit I’m right to be this aggravated.
Keith (laughing) I’ll say whatever you want me to say.
Me- I want you to say I’m right to be aggravated. And MEAN it!
Keith (can’t even speak from laughing so hard)
At this point I have now confessed and am someone’s prison wife.

As I’m tucking Jackson in…
Jackson- Thanks for changing my light bulbs today.
Me- (almost crying) You’re welcome.
Jackson- Except you forgot one.

Everyone in this house needs to sleep with one eye open.

Me- No I didn’t.
Jackson- Yes you did. That fan is missing a light.
Me- It. Is. Not. It only has two!
Jackson- Oh. You’re right. Thank you for showing me where I was wrong. I’m sorry.

Me- KEITH!  Come upstairs. And bring something to take NOTES with!

My favorite selfie…

Keith and I have taken many pictures in our 19 years together. Wedding pictures (which Keith still can’t look at due to an irrational fear of confinement). Pictures of us when both children were born. Pictures of family vacations  (which brings on a level of anxiety comparable to a game of musical chairs). My point: We’ve taken a lot of pictures. But I think this is my favorite.

I kept taking these selfies of us trying to get him to smile. He finally cracked when I was laughing so hard at him purposely trying NOT to smile! It was such a fun night. It was such an easy night.

We had taken the kids trick or treating under a Tornado Watch (nothing in The What to Expect when It’s Raining on Halloween Handbook that says you can’t do this). Then Goosebumps with 6 adults and 7 kids. Refilling the popcorn bucket 5 times. (Let’s take a time out here and thank God for the popcorn bucket.)

Good times. Great friends.

It was nothing extravagant like a wedding. It was nothing exciting like a vacation. And it certainly wasn’t as life changing as having a baby. It was simple and ordinary.
And it makes me smile.

George Weasley takes Supergirls breath away. Literally.

SUPERGIRL #1-  OH. MY. GOSH. George Weasley I know you did NOT just “pass gas in my face”!!

SUPERGIRL #2-  Ummm….maybe when he heard us say “we’re LIKE the wind” he thought we said “it’s a GOOD time to BREAK wind”!!